I am not going to lie and pretend that things have gone well for me these past few months. In fact I feel like my whole damn life has not gone well for me.
The reality is I feel like its hit me hard since turning 30 this year just how crap my life has been. I get that people have had it worse than me and there are still people going through hell on a daily basis but having mental health issues makes you become so consumed in your own thoughts that you don’t feel any better than anyone else anyway.
Ever look at all the people you went to school with on social media and think about how different your life has turned out to theirs? Most people my age now have kids, are married and seem content going on their annual family holidays. I on the other hand am single, never will have/can’t have kids, holiday alone or not at all and working in a job I desperately want to get out off but can’t afford to leave.
I don’t even know what it is I want to do with my life and feel like I have lost my passion for anything/everything lately. So how can I decide or make a change to do something I enjoy whilst also earning enough money to pay for my mortgage and bills?
It’s taken me some time to feel motivated enough to try to make changes as honestly I have felt like giving up completely on life. But once you hit the bottom the only way is up right?
So this is what I’m going to do to try to get myself out of this rut and hole I’ve been living in the past 30 years…
- Get help – I have already made a start to this by speaking to my GP who has changed my antidepressants. I have also asked to be referred for some therapy which I have had in the past but for different reasons.
- Change my job – All I know is that I need a job which makes me feel part of a team and gives me purpose. I have posted before about the advantages and disadvantages of working from home (see post) and I feel that I have had good and bad experiences home working. However, as I now live alone (minus my rabbits) I feel that I need to be around people and belong somewhere – I need a change.
- Have something to look forward to – Anything from a day trip, afternoon out or holiday/adventure. Something that will make me get up in the mornings and feel like I’m working towards. My Mother has recently passed this habit onto me and so she recently encouraged me to go with her on a trip to Iceland in January. Having this trip to look forward to has really helped me feel more motivated to get up and carry on.
This is my plan so far and I hope that by this time next year I can look back on this post and be out of this rut, enjoying and embracing life (whatever that feels like). If anyone else has any tips or stories they want to share please comment below as I would love to hear them.
Thanks for reading,
Sarah Richelle X
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